yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
