i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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