why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
my being single is dangerous.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
