News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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