Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
