life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
