"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
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I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
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How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
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