My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
