I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Are we in a gay sports bar?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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