R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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