that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
