Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
