He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
