Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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