I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
