her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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