If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be your penis for a week.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize