She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
