I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
