it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
