I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
