There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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