My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
