Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
