need another drink. this is the easiest way
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
