im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
