he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
