do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
