This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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