i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
