I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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