My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
