I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
