He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
