Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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