So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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