Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Can Purell be used as lube?
thus making me awesome and them whores
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
