i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
