im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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