Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
