You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
