She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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