she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize