Do you still have your period?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
