walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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