Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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