Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I have post one night stand depression
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