U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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