I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
