She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
