there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
