plz talk dirty to me
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
