I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
