Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
