im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
