I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
