im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
