He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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