im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I love you. Go after that dick
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