so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Terrible idea I love it
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
