Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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