Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
