the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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