Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
