A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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