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I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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