I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
