Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
