I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
