And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
