well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
