I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
