Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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